Chapter 7: Non-Essentials

We know people who have wasted a good part of their lives on non-essentials. They are always doing things which amount to nothing. We know women who are always looking for trouble, who are upset at finger marks on the furniture, china or glassware, and who destroy the peace of the whole household because the cook has burned the soup or spoiled the pudding. They make the servants' lives miserable by nagging them about trifling neglects.

If you want to make the most of life you must make up your mind to overlook a great many things, — not to see them at all so far as being troubled by them is concerned. Never allow yourself to be upset because the cook has spoiled some favorite dish. Do not ruin the visit of your guests or embarrass the waitress by scolding her at the table because of some little mistake.

How many mothers we know who keep the whole household irritated over non-essentials. Some trifling thing sets them going, and they keep up their scolding and nagging and fault-finding until everybody in the house is disgusted.

These are not things that make life worth living. Learn to let go the rubbish, to throw overboard the useless cargo which endangers the safety of the ship. Learn to let go everything which irritates, but does not help.

A great many people are like pins in the clothing, which prick us constantly, but which we cannot get rid of. A great many teachers really spoil the comfort and happiness of their pupils by exaggerating the importance of non-essentials. This is a most unfortunate habit of a great many people — the temptation to exaggerate trifles, to make mountains out of mole hills, to keep arguing and talking over a little thing until it becomes a big thing and destroys everybody's peace.

People who exaggerate non-essentials are like gravel in the shoe. You cannot stop in the street to take it out, and yet it destroys all your comfort of walking.

A great many businessmen keep the people about them irritated all the time by exaggerating things which do not amount to anything. If a stenographer makes a mistake, they make her life miserable for hours, — perhaps days. Life is too short for quibbling over things which are not worthwhile.

We know people who waste half of their energies and make themselves extremely uncomfortable over little, insignificant non-essentials.

We have no energy to throw away. We must use every bit of it in the things that count if we would make the most of life. Many people are like a boiler full of holes, wasting a large part of the steam which should drive the piston and turn the wheel. Their force is frittered away in useless things that help nobody, and only hinder.

How many girls and young women form this wretched habit of spending time over things which do not count, wasting their energies over a particular shade of ribbon, or the proper thing in a hat, or a glove that is the fad. It is very important and very essential that they should exercise good taste in the selection of everything. We do not mean this at all. It is the waste of precious time over the things which do not count in life, which are not worthwhile, that we deprecate. It is a most unfortunate habit to contract of wasting one's life over the things which are not worthwhile to the neglect of things which are.

We have known women to wear themselves out hunting for a trifling thing in the stores — to spend half a day, perhaps, in fruitless search for some trifling matter of dress which amounted to nothing. It is pitiable to see such a waste of precious time and energy when this time spent in self-improvement, in self-culture, or helping somebody, or doing something worthwhile, would count for so much. This frittering away energies, squandering time over useless trifles, is positively wicked.

We have seen businessmen in restaurants disgust everybody within their hearing by their outburst of temper because the waiter did not happen to bring them the particular thing they called for, because the steak was rare when they wanted it well done, because he brought pudding for a pie, or boiled potatoes instead of baked, or because he happened to drop a little soup on their coat.

Sometimes we have known mothers to upset the whole household and destroy the comfort of everybody at dinner because the husband or one of the children happened to be late. These exacting people who run everything by programme — everybody must be on time to the very minute or take an unmerciful scolding — make life miserable for everybody around them.