Chapter 6: The Cost of An Explosive Temper

Many men and women are jogging along in mediocrity, occupying inferior places because they are unable to keep good situations on account of hot tempers. Everywhere we see people mortified, humiliated, kept down by hot tempers which they think they cannot control. They may work months or years to climb up to good positions and throw them away by yielding to fits of passion in moments of annoyance.

I have in mind a man who spent twenty years preparing himself for a responsible position, one which would have meant a competence to himself and family for life, and lost it in five minutes in a paroxysm of passion. He could not control himself.

I know a man who has letters of endorsement from great men of position and power, a man who has been in important positions himself, but has never been able to keep one of them any length of time. He has lots of energy, a great deal of perseverance, and every time he is knocked down, he gets up and starts again, but isn't it pitiable to see a gray-haired man with a family, a man of great ability, perpetually humiliated by being thrown out of positions? Isn't it sad to see an able man, with a vigorous brain, full of energy and life, go around asking help of his friends to get clothing, food and shelter for his family, simply because of a hot temper?

I met a very capable man the other day who has been handicapped all his life by a quick temper, which is the secret of his comparative failure. He has held many good positions but lost them in unguarded moments. He is very ambitious and hardworking, and he struggles to get ahead. He is now well along in years, but he has never been able to do anything such as which his superior ability would warrant. He feels mortified every time I meet him that he is filling such an ordinary position when he is perfectly conscious that he has superior ability. He knows that he ought to be at the top of his profession instead of halfway down; that he ought to be a leader instead of being led by men who are not half so competent as he. It galls him to death to be ordered around by men far his inferior in ability, but they all know his fault, which, so far as his getting on in the world is concerned, is almost as bad as drunkenness itself, for he has been the slave of a hot temper.

Can anything be more foolish than for a boy to spend years and years on an education and special training for his lifework and then just as soon as he climbs up a little and gets a decent position, to throw it all away in a momentary fit of temper? What would you think of an artist who would spend years in calling a beautiful statue out of a marble block and then smite it to pieces with his mallet in an instant, then go to work on another and do the same thing again and again? You would say that he ought to be in an insane asylum. But are you sure, my friend, that you are not even more foolish than he; that you are not destroying your own work of years by hasty explosions of temper?

People who fly into rage at the slightest criticism, who take everything as a personal affront, are never sure of themselves, never sure of their positions. They make employers and associates feel all the time as if they were walking on thin ice, liable any minute to go through. You have to be very careful how you handle these touchy people, how you approach them; you always have to choose the right word lest you give offence. You must not say anything which they can twist into a personal thrust. These sensitive souls suffer a great deal, and they are very disagreeable people to get along with. Sensitiveness is really an acknowledgment of weakness. It is founded on vanity, false pride, egotism and selfishness.

One of the most difficult persons for an employer to manage is a girl who has been tenderly reared, who is high-strung and sensitive of the humiliation in having to work for a living. She is all the time being imposed upon, insulted. Her sore spots are always lacerated and they bleed at the slightest touch, intentional or unintentional. In fact, the greatest part of the suffering of a sensitive person is not intentionally inflicted and would not hurt anyone else.

The man in high position who gets red in the face and flies off on a tangent every few minutes, at very little provocation, cuts no large figure. Everybody laughs at him and pities him for his weakness. To go through life making a fool of oneself several times every day by exhibiting one's foolish, weak, silly side, holding up to the ridicule of the world one's wishy-washy character is most unfortunate. It is not the part of a man, but that of a pigmy, a mere apology for a man, not the man God made.

Can anything be more humiliating than to feel that you do not really belong to yourself, to feel that you are liable, no matter how good your intention, or how hard you work, to undo in a moment all you have done? You ought to be surer of yourself than that. You ought not only to think, but also to know positively that you can master yourself under all circumstances; and until you can do this you will never get very far up.

Now, when you think of being able to manage a bad temper, it seems a formidable task, almost impossible; but when you analyze the temper, you will find that it is made up of elements which you can control, and if you can control the elements, you can control the temper itself. Jealousy enters into a quick temper. So does intolerance of others’ opinions. The victim wants to run things, wants to make everybody do as he wishes, and if he cannot he "flies off the handle." As a rule, a hot-tempered person is naturally arbitrary, selfish, envious, vain, proud. He cannot think of anybody else but himself. Other people's rights cut very little figure with him.

Every person should be ambitious to become a power in the world, to stand for something above the ordinary, to lift himself out of mediocrity; but he can never make himself thus felt until he is first master of himself. He cannot control conditions or men until he can first control himself. It is the man who can wait, no matter how trying it is, who can be calm no matter what the provocation, who can keep his balance under any circumstances, who can look serene when the tempest of passion is raging all around him in others, who is never thrown off his centre, — he it is who inspires confidence, who forces respect, and who masters men and matters.